by Barbara Frank
Got your attention, didn’t I? We moms are certainly susceptible to fearing that our children might be behind in something.
It starts when we’re pregnant. Your book for expectant moms says you should feel kicking by 20 weeks. If you don’t feel kicking yet, you need an ultrasound to see what’s going on.
Well, maybe. But maybe your due date’s a wee bit off, or you don’t realize that the bubbly feeling in your abdomen is the baby kicking. There’s no point in freaking out yet, but the tone of the book makes you feel pretty insecure.
Some time after the baby arrives, you invariably find a book or a website that tells you that your baby should be holding his head up by now, or crawling by now, but he’s not. Panic ensues…..what could be wrong with him? Soon after, he does what the experts say he’s supposed to do, and you heave a sigh of relief.
One would think we’d get used to these developmental deadlines as our child grows, but no, it only gets worse as he approaches school age. Now educators chime in with the books and websites: your child should know his colors by age 2, his alphabet soon after that and his numbers (up to 50!) by age three.
We homeschooling moms get to enjoy this pressure for years because we’re in charge of our children’s education. He should be in level three of that math curriculum next year (but he’s not ready). Or, he’s supposed to be reading books at a fifth grade level (but he’s still struggling with a third-grade reader). Is he failing homeschooling? Should he be put in public school before he falls further behind?
It’s hard not to overreact, but a little knowledge will help manage the fear. It’s important to know that developmental deadlines are really not meant for the average child. They’re meant to help parents and professionals discern when a child has a problem. You don’t need to react unless your child is way behind, and in more than just one area. Children like my youngest son, who has Down syndrome, tend to be far behind in most areas of development (not just one or two), and each stage of development lasts longer than it does for most other kids.
So it’s not worth getting upset when your child misses some arbitrary deadline for learning how to read, or how to ride a bike, or wherever it is he appears to be “behind.” Kids develop at their own pace. Some read at age three, and others don’t until age ten or eleven. Some are math whizzes early on, and others will always struggle with math, even as adults. We all have different talents and abilities, so it’s foolish to expect everyone to do things at the same age.
It can also be foolish to overreact. One homeschool mom was so worried that her child wasn’t reading well that she stopped all other bookwork and field trips so she could concentrate on teaching her child how to read. They used only phonics curriculum and readers every day, all day long. Nothing else got done.
How dull for that child, and how much pressure! It would be much easier and less stressful (for both of them) if Mom kept their normal routine while also reading aloud more often and making an effort to find library books on topics of special interest to the child. In time, Mom would see signs of improvement and the need for more challenging material for her child. But there’s no guarantee of what age the child would be before that happened.
Each of our children is unique. They were created that way. Before we freak out because one is “behind” on something, let’s watch and wait. We can no more make a child develop faster than we can force the leaves on a tree to open in the spring. As our grandparents used to say, “All in good time.”
Copyright 2010 Barbara Frank/ Cardamom Publishers
Barbara Frank homeschooled three children to adulthood and continues to homeschool her youngest son. Her latest book is “Women of the Old Testament: 14 In-Depth Bible Studies for Teens.” You'll find her on the Web at www.cardamompublishers.com and http://barbarafrankonline.com
Got your attention, didn’t I? We moms are certainly susceptible to fearing that our children might be behind in something.
It starts when we’re pregnant. Your book for expectant moms says you should feel kicking by 20 weeks. If you don’t feel kicking yet, you need an ultrasound to see what’s going on.
Well, maybe. But maybe your due date’s a wee bit off, or you don’t realize that the bubbly feeling in your abdomen is the baby kicking. There’s no point in freaking out yet, but the tone of the book makes you feel pretty insecure.
Some time after the baby arrives, you invariably find a book or a website that tells you that your baby should be holding his head up by now, or crawling by now, but he’s not. Panic ensues…..what could be wrong with him? Soon after, he does what the experts say he’s supposed to do, and you heave a sigh of relief.
One would think we’d get used to these developmental deadlines as our child grows, but no, it only gets worse as he approaches school age. Now educators chime in with the books and websites: your child should know his colors by age 2, his alphabet soon after that and his numbers (up to 50!) by age three.
We homeschooling moms get to enjoy this pressure for years because we’re in charge of our children’s education. He should be in level three of that math curriculum next year (but he’s not ready). Or, he’s supposed to be reading books at a fifth grade level (but he’s still struggling with a third-grade reader). Is he failing homeschooling? Should he be put in public school before he falls further behind?
It’s hard not to overreact, but a little knowledge will help manage the fear. It’s important to know that developmental deadlines are really not meant for the average child. They’re meant to help parents and professionals discern when a child has a problem. You don’t need to react unless your child is way behind, and in more than just one area. Children like my youngest son, who has Down syndrome, tend to be far behind in most areas of development (not just one or two), and each stage of development lasts longer than it does for most other kids.
So it’s not worth getting upset when your child misses some arbitrary deadline for learning how to read, or how to ride a bike, or wherever it is he appears to be “behind.” Kids develop at their own pace. Some read at age three, and others don’t until age ten or eleven. Some are math whizzes early on, and others will always struggle with math, even as adults. We all have different talents and abilities, so it’s foolish to expect everyone to do things at the same age.
It can also be foolish to overreact. One homeschool mom was so worried that her child wasn’t reading well that she stopped all other bookwork and field trips so she could concentrate on teaching her child how to read. They used only phonics curriculum and readers every day, all day long. Nothing else got done.
How dull for that child, and how much pressure! It would be much easier and less stressful (for both of them) if Mom kept their normal routine while also reading aloud more often and making an effort to find library books on topics of special interest to the child. In time, Mom would see signs of improvement and the need for more challenging material for her child. But there’s no guarantee of what age the child would be before that happened.
Each of our children is unique. They were created that way. Before we freak out because one is “behind” on something, let’s watch and wait. We can no more make a child develop faster than we can force the leaves on a tree to open in the spring. As our grandparents used to say, “All in good time.”
Copyright 2010 Barbara Frank/ Cardamom Publishers
Barbara Frank homeschooled three children to adulthood and continues to homeschool her youngest son. Her latest book is “Women of the Old Testament: 14 In-Depth Bible Studies for Teens.” You'll find her on the Web at www.cardamompublishers.com and http://barbarafrankonline.com
