by Suzanne Wielgos
Many homeschooling families are fortunate to have the unconditional support of extended family and friends regarding their choice to teach at home. It helps produce smooth transitions, enhances learning, and just creates a more pleasant atmosphere.
But what happens when you don’t have that support system?
Many years ago, when we made the choice to homeschool, the reaction in our extended family ranged from tepid to disapproving. We didn’t make a grand, sweeping announcement, but answered truthfully when asked about enrolling our daughter in the local kindergarten.
I’m not sure what we expected to hear in response…but it certainly wasn’t an enthusiastic embrace of our choice.
So we muddled through, coping with caustic comments and avoiding becoming baited into argumentative discussions. We believed deeply that we had made the right decision, but their comments and concerns still stung.
After watching our five children learn and grow as homeschoolers, and as homeschooling has become a more socially-accepted choice in this country, we rarely receive flak from our extended family any more. And we have to remember that, most times, this criticism came from people who love our children and really just wanted them to succeed in life.
The best advice I can give to new homeschoolers whose family members are disapproving is twofold: to listen critically to their concerns, weighing the chance that they could hold a nugget of truth, and to let the gift of time eventually answer the naysayers.
One of the biggest criticisms we heard back then was that our daughter needed more socialization (raise your hand if you’ve heard that one before!). You know what? Those relatives were right. We made sure to gently introduce our daughter to new experiences while homeschooling and to widen her circle of friends. It was the right thing to do; we would have done it anyway, but gleaning this nugget from the family’s suggestions turned out to be a positive move.
A few years ago, I got a call from a homeschooling Mom who was distraught because her extended family, who made no secret of their disapproval of homeschooling, blamed any unusual behavior on homeschooling. A perfectly age-appropriate temper tantrum, waking up cranky from a nap, sibling bickering—all were blamed on homeschooling. It was really quite ridiculous and would have been funny if it didn’t upset this Mom so much. I encouraged her to hang in there, and give it time.
Today, these successful, confident, bright children have impressed their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Their Mom reports that although they still make occasional biting comments, they have acknowledged the validity of homeschooling. They no longer look for negative behavior to pinpoint, but rather focus on the kids’ successes. It has become a more manageable and positive relationship.
It takes time for the fruits of homeschooling to become evident. If you believe that you are making the best choices for your children by teaching them at home, have patience and remember why you chose homeschooling. It certainly wasn’t to impress family members or to prove a point.
When all else fails, I’ve found that a smile and the phrase “well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this topic” can help diffuse an argumentative person who wants to debate the merits of homeschooling. Keep smiling, and keep moving forward, because eventually your homeschooling journey will come to an end. Your well-adjusted, well-educated children will be all the proof you need.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
Many homeschooling families are fortunate to have the unconditional support of extended family and friends regarding their choice to teach at home. It helps produce smooth transitions, enhances learning, and just creates a more pleasant atmosphere.
But what happens when you don’t have that support system?
Many years ago, when we made the choice to homeschool, the reaction in our extended family ranged from tepid to disapproving. We didn’t make a grand, sweeping announcement, but answered truthfully when asked about enrolling our daughter in the local kindergarten.
I’m not sure what we expected to hear in response…but it certainly wasn’t an enthusiastic embrace of our choice.
So we muddled through, coping with caustic comments and avoiding becoming baited into argumentative discussions. We believed deeply that we had made the right decision, but their comments and concerns still stung.
After watching our five children learn and grow as homeschoolers, and as homeschooling has become a more socially-accepted choice in this country, we rarely receive flak from our extended family any more. And we have to remember that, most times, this criticism came from people who love our children and really just wanted them to succeed in life.
The best advice I can give to new homeschoolers whose family members are disapproving is twofold: to listen critically to their concerns, weighing the chance that they could hold a nugget of truth, and to let the gift of time eventually answer the naysayers.
One of the biggest criticisms we heard back then was that our daughter needed more socialization (raise your hand if you’ve heard that one before!). You know what? Those relatives were right. We made sure to gently introduce our daughter to new experiences while homeschooling and to widen her circle of friends. It was the right thing to do; we would have done it anyway, but gleaning this nugget from the family’s suggestions turned out to be a positive move.
A few years ago, I got a call from a homeschooling Mom who was distraught because her extended family, who made no secret of their disapproval of homeschooling, blamed any unusual behavior on homeschooling. A perfectly age-appropriate temper tantrum, waking up cranky from a nap, sibling bickering—all were blamed on homeschooling. It was really quite ridiculous and would have been funny if it didn’t upset this Mom so much. I encouraged her to hang in there, and give it time.
Today, these successful, confident, bright children have impressed their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Their Mom reports that although they still make occasional biting comments, they have acknowledged the validity of homeschooling. They no longer look for negative behavior to pinpoint, but rather focus on the kids’ successes. It has become a more manageable and positive relationship.
It takes time for the fruits of homeschooling to become evident. If you believe that you are making the best choices for your children by teaching them at home, have patience and remember why you chose homeschooling. It certainly wasn’t to impress family members or to prove a point.
When all else fails, I’ve found that a smile and the phrase “well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this topic” can help diffuse an argumentative person who wants to debate the merits of homeschooling. Keep smiling, and keep moving forward, because eventually your homeschooling journey will come to an end. Your well-adjusted, well-educated children will be all the proof you need.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
