by Suzanne Wielgos
Have you read Amy Chua’s bestselling novel, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother?
It’s a fascinating read, especially from the point of view of a homeschooling parent.
Chua shares parenting techniques common among Asian cultures, including demanding unrelenting excellence in academics and music. Television and computer games, playdates, and sleepovers are eschewed in favor of endless music practice, extra homework assignments and rote memorization. Chua shares the highs and lows of this style of childrearing with honesty and humor.
As homeschooling Moms, we have all felt, at times, like tiger mothers. We have to make choices about curricula, sports, music, and extracurricular activities before our children are really mature enough to make the choices themselves. Even unschooling Moms make the choice to unschool because they believe it is the best route to raising smart, healthy, curious children.
So when your child announces that he now hates playing piano and wants to quit, do you let him? Or do you insist that he carry on, valuing the discipline that persistence produces?
It’s a tough call. As Chua points out, many parents underestimate what their children are capable of accomplishing. They will give in, claiming to want only their children’s happiness, but perhaps preferring to avoid confrontation.
In addition, Chua wonders about the patterns of success between siblings; should we encourage our children to achieve success by comparing them to their—perhaps more gifted—siblings? This is an interesting question, because we have all noticed, undoubtedly, that some homeschooling families encourage all the children to play the same sport, or take up the same instrument, or participate in the same activities. And this is sometimes merely a matter of practicality; in larger families it would not be physically possible to let each child choose his own extracurricular activities because of simple logistics.
The bottom line seems to be, in my opinion, that we need to love our children so completely and so unconditionally that we can tell when a drive to excel, whether self-imposed or created externally, becomes unhealthy. We can occasionally step back and ask ourselves if we have allowed our kids to develop their own unique gifts, even if those talents have not been evident in their older siblings.
As we teach our children, and begin to learn more about their special abilities and interests each year, let’s focus on being an encouragement and find ways to nourish that growth. It might not be easy, and it certainly takes sacrifice. But these years of investment are brief, overall, and yield results for a lifetime.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
Have you read Amy Chua’s bestselling novel, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother?
It’s a fascinating read, especially from the point of view of a homeschooling parent.
Chua shares parenting techniques common among Asian cultures, including demanding unrelenting excellence in academics and music. Television and computer games, playdates, and sleepovers are eschewed in favor of endless music practice, extra homework assignments and rote memorization. Chua shares the highs and lows of this style of childrearing with honesty and humor.
As homeschooling Moms, we have all felt, at times, like tiger mothers. We have to make choices about curricula, sports, music, and extracurricular activities before our children are really mature enough to make the choices themselves. Even unschooling Moms make the choice to unschool because they believe it is the best route to raising smart, healthy, curious children.
So when your child announces that he now hates playing piano and wants to quit, do you let him? Or do you insist that he carry on, valuing the discipline that persistence produces?
It’s a tough call. As Chua points out, many parents underestimate what their children are capable of accomplishing. They will give in, claiming to want only their children’s happiness, but perhaps preferring to avoid confrontation.
In addition, Chua wonders about the patterns of success between siblings; should we encourage our children to achieve success by comparing them to their—perhaps more gifted—siblings? This is an interesting question, because we have all noticed, undoubtedly, that some homeschooling families encourage all the children to play the same sport, or take up the same instrument, or participate in the same activities. And this is sometimes merely a matter of practicality; in larger families it would not be physically possible to let each child choose his own extracurricular activities because of simple logistics.
The bottom line seems to be, in my opinion, that we need to love our children so completely and so unconditionally that we can tell when a drive to excel, whether self-imposed or created externally, becomes unhealthy. We can occasionally step back and ask ourselves if we have allowed our kids to develop their own unique gifts, even if those talents have not been evident in their older siblings.
As we teach our children, and begin to learn more about their special abilities and interests each year, let’s focus on being an encouragement and find ways to nourish that growth. It might not be easy, and it certainly takes sacrifice. But these years of investment are brief, overall, and yield results for a lifetime.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
