by Suzanne Wielgos
Part One
Homeschool support groups are a great resource to connect with other homeschooling families and exchange ideas. In the many years I have participated in homeschool support groups, I have seen the best—and the worst—aspects of these groups. This month, I am sharing the first five steps to create a healthy, helpful support group; look next month for the rest.
1. Respect each family’s uniqueness. I can’t count the number of times that a family has been judged by other families for some aspect of their lifestyle. Do their boys have long hair? Do the Moms practice extended breastfeeding? Do they grow their own food, or speak a different language in the home? So what?! Our family differences are what make strong, vibrant, interesting groups. You might be surprised at how different families can enrich each other’s lives, simply by being present and by being themselves. Stop pointing out others’ differences and celebrate them, instead.
2. Respect each family’s approach to homeschooling. Okay, I’ll say it: some traditional homeschoolers do not appreciate unschoolers, and vice versa. I’ve never really understood why. Just because your approach works well for you, that doesn’t mean that it would work for other families. Do your kids wake up each morning at 6 am, do chores, get dressed, and open their school books? That would never work for the laid-back family whose kids sleep in and hit the books in the afternoon when they feel ready. Is one right? Is one wrong? Who cares? But don’t feel superior to other families just because you have made a different choice. In the end, if your kids leave your homeschool well-educated and well-prepared for life, that’s what really matters.
3. Respect each family’s faith traditions without judgment. This is a sensitive topic, but an important one. Many homeschooling families come from a strong faith-based perspective, and many homeschool support groups are designed for specific religious groups. Even within those groups, there can be differences. I once belonged to a faith-based support group which required members to sign a statement of faith. I had no problems signing it, but because my own faith tradition was from a different branch of the major denomination, I always felt…well, different. Once, a Mom exclaimed loudly upon learning which church I attended, “Really?! I’ve heard about people like you but I’ve never actually met one before!” Even more important is maintaining tolerance for other homeschooling families who are not within your own faith tradition. There is richness in diversity and there is beauty in difference.
4. Try to understand the economic realities of different family situations. I think sometimes homeschooling families can become so entrenched in their own situations—whether barely scraping by or living in luxury—that they forget that others are in a different place. There have been so many instances in the past, for example, when other families just assumed that we could afford an expensive museum ticket (instead of attending on a free admission day) or expected our children to join theirs on some type of trip that we couldn’t possibly afford. And in reverse, some families who favor hand-me-downs and thrift shops can look with jealousy on those who have more. I once had a homeschooling friend who took luxury cruises and tropical vacations, who got manicures and dressed in designer clothes. She would complain to me about wanting to hire a maid to clean her large home. After a while, I shared with her how difficult it was for me to hear her complain about these things when it was so different from my own situation. The bottom line is, again, be cognizant of the very real financial situations of others.
5. Admit that not all families handle disciplinary issues in the same way. In some families, just a stern look from Mom will make her child straighten up and behave. In others, unusual behavior is tolerated as simply an expression of spiritedness. Homeschool groups by nature bring children together, and the sternly-disciplined child will not function well with the free-spirited child. I have found that this creates tension between their parents. If your group’s children will be getting together in a public situation, the event’s leaders should set clear guidelines beforehand for the behavior that is acceptable and what is not. If these facts are spelled out clearly prior to an event, then Moms won’t feel entitled to discipline other people’s children or frown at other kids’ behavior.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
Part One
Homeschool support groups are a great resource to connect with other homeschooling families and exchange ideas. In the many years I have participated in homeschool support groups, I have seen the best—and the worst—aspects of these groups. This month, I am sharing the first five steps to create a healthy, helpful support group; look next month for the rest.
1. Respect each family’s uniqueness. I can’t count the number of times that a family has been judged by other families for some aspect of their lifestyle. Do their boys have long hair? Do the Moms practice extended breastfeeding? Do they grow their own food, or speak a different language in the home? So what?! Our family differences are what make strong, vibrant, interesting groups. You might be surprised at how different families can enrich each other’s lives, simply by being present and by being themselves. Stop pointing out others’ differences and celebrate them, instead.
2. Respect each family’s approach to homeschooling. Okay, I’ll say it: some traditional homeschoolers do not appreciate unschoolers, and vice versa. I’ve never really understood why. Just because your approach works well for you, that doesn’t mean that it would work for other families. Do your kids wake up each morning at 6 am, do chores, get dressed, and open their school books? That would never work for the laid-back family whose kids sleep in and hit the books in the afternoon when they feel ready. Is one right? Is one wrong? Who cares? But don’t feel superior to other families just because you have made a different choice. In the end, if your kids leave your homeschool well-educated and well-prepared for life, that’s what really matters.
3. Respect each family’s faith traditions without judgment. This is a sensitive topic, but an important one. Many homeschooling families come from a strong faith-based perspective, and many homeschool support groups are designed for specific religious groups. Even within those groups, there can be differences. I once belonged to a faith-based support group which required members to sign a statement of faith. I had no problems signing it, but because my own faith tradition was from a different branch of the major denomination, I always felt…well, different. Once, a Mom exclaimed loudly upon learning which church I attended, “Really?! I’ve heard about people like you but I’ve never actually met one before!” Even more important is maintaining tolerance for other homeschooling families who are not within your own faith tradition. There is richness in diversity and there is beauty in difference.
4. Try to understand the economic realities of different family situations. I think sometimes homeschooling families can become so entrenched in their own situations—whether barely scraping by or living in luxury—that they forget that others are in a different place. There have been so many instances in the past, for example, when other families just assumed that we could afford an expensive museum ticket (instead of attending on a free admission day) or expected our children to join theirs on some type of trip that we couldn’t possibly afford. And in reverse, some families who favor hand-me-downs and thrift shops can look with jealousy on those who have more. I once had a homeschooling friend who took luxury cruises and tropical vacations, who got manicures and dressed in designer clothes. She would complain to me about wanting to hire a maid to clean her large home. After a while, I shared with her how difficult it was for me to hear her complain about these things when it was so different from my own situation. The bottom line is, again, be cognizant of the very real financial situations of others.
5. Admit that not all families handle disciplinary issues in the same way. In some families, just a stern look from Mom will make her child straighten up and behave. In others, unusual behavior is tolerated as simply an expression of spiritedness. Homeschool groups by nature bring children together, and the sternly-disciplined child will not function well with the free-spirited child. I have found that this creates tension between their parents. If your group’s children will be getting together in a public situation, the event’s leaders should set clear guidelines beforehand for the behavior that is acceptable and what is not. If these facts are spelled out clearly prior to an event, then Moms won’t feel entitled to discipline other people’s children or frown at other kids’ behavior.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
