by Suzanne Wielgos
Part Two
Homeschool support groups are a great resource to connect with other homeschooling families and exchange ideas. In the many years I have participated in homeschool support groups, I have seen the best—and the worst—aspects of these groups. This month, I am sharing the last five steps to keeping the peace and nurturing your homeschool support group.
6. Don’t give unwarranted advice. Just because you consider yourself well-versed in some aspects of homeschooling, please don’t consider yourself such an expert that you tell others what to do or how to do it. Believe me, there is always another family with more kids or more physical challenges or more experience. I once overheard a homeschooling Mom with three very young children giving advice about preparing homeschooled kids for college. Mind you, she had never actually done it before…or known anyone who had…but she felt compelled to speak in an authoritative manner about something she had never experienced herself. And, having already homeschooled through the high school years, I knew that some of what she was saying was incorrect. There is a time and a place to share your knowledge; before you speak, think carefully! No one likes a know it all.
7. Find something positive to say to each child at each get together. No matter how much you might disapprove of another family’s choices regarding lifestyle or discipline, find something to love in their children. There is always something, if you look hard enough. Our homeschooled kids need the respect and support of all types of people, so even if it pains you, say something nice! When I once participated in a learning co-op with a homeschool group, there were kids who just didn’t listen or know how to fit in. Perhaps there were issues at home, or perhaps their distracted behavior was excused as “free-spirited”…but one of the blessings of a co-op is indeed helping children learn how to operate in a group setting, and sometimes it takes a while. I remember dong lots of art projects with the kids who needed extra attention. When all else fails, compliment their creativity. Wearing two different colored socks while standing on her head in the corner? Cool! As long as it doesn’t interfere with the learning of other kids, say something positive and let it go.
8. Leaders must be respectful of the concerns and priorities of all members. We’ve probably all experienced support group leaders who seem to have their own priorities. While we all might appreciate that she sells cosmetics as a home-based business, for example, she should not try to sell her skin-care line to group members. On the other hand, sometimes people who gravitate to leadership positions have skills and experiences that are valuable to their fellow homeschooling families. The first support group I ever joined had a remarkable leader who had learned to stretch a household budget and still provide wholesome, healthy meals for her very large family. After sensing that many group members could benefit from her knowledge, she generously offered to conduct workshops sharing her expertise. Those who were interested participated; many of her ideas are still with me all these years later. That Mom was a beautiful example of a leader who also served. If you are a homeschool support group leader, or if you aspire to become one, be willing to serve.
9. Members must not expect leaders or others to do all the work. I have helped coordinate a large homeschool support group for many years. We do not charge membership fees, so I receive no financial compensation for the many hours I spend writing and coordinating our newsletter and answering emails. And yet I occasionally receive emails complaining about something…like a field trip that is not a convenient date for a particular family, or low attendance at an event. My reply is always the same: if you don’t like how something is planned or how it turns out, roll up your sleeves and do it yourself! If you want your children to see a particular exhibit at a museum, but the field trip date is not convenient for your family’s schedule, please don’t complain about it. Organize a similar one to your liking! Volunteer leaders are just that—volunteers, not your employees or your family’s activity director!
10. Respect each family’s uniqueness. Yes, you read that right—I included it first and last on this list. Don’t judge; open your mind and heart to the blessings of a diverse group of homeschooling friends. It is so important that I’m saying it twice. From a Muslim homeschooling Mom, I once learned how to complete a complicated sewing project. From other homeschoolers, I learned how to cook spicy Indian food. I learned how to make homemade tortillas as they do in Guatemala. I learned how to grow and cook collard greens. My kids have found themselves in situations when they are the only native English speakers—and they were not uncomfortable. By exposing our kids to the richness of the world around them, and the people who live near and far, we help them embrace diversity and appreciate others with a wide worldview.
These ten suggestions are intended to help homeschool groups operate effectively and peacefully. If you still feel conflict and can’t seem to feel comfortable in your local support group, create your own! Create a homeschool support group that meets your family’s needs and embraces your homeschooling philosophy. Maybe there are other families out there just like yours who are just looking to connect in a similar way. Regardless, let the qualities of mutual respect and an appreciation for diversity carry you forward on your homeschooling journey.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
Part Two
Homeschool support groups are a great resource to connect with other homeschooling families and exchange ideas. In the many years I have participated in homeschool support groups, I have seen the best—and the worst—aspects of these groups. This month, I am sharing the last five steps to keeping the peace and nurturing your homeschool support group.
6. Don’t give unwarranted advice. Just because you consider yourself well-versed in some aspects of homeschooling, please don’t consider yourself such an expert that you tell others what to do or how to do it. Believe me, there is always another family with more kids or more physical challenges or more experience. I once overheard a homeschooling Mom with three very young children giving advice about preparing homeschooled kids for college. Mind you, she had never actually done it before…or known anyone who had…but she felt compelled to speak in an authoritative manner about something she had never experienced herself. And, having already homeschooled through the high school years, I knew that some of what she was saying was incorrect. There is a time and a place to share your knowledge; before you speak, think carefully! No one likes a know it all.
7. Find something positive to say to each child at each get together. No matter how much you might disapprove of another family’s choices regarding lifestyle or discipline, find something to love in their children. There is always something, if you look hard enough. Our homeschooled kids need the respect and support of all types of people, so even if it pains you, say something nice! When I once participated in a learning co-op with a homeschool group, there were kids who just didn’t listen or know how to fit in. Perhaps there were issues at home, or perhaps their distracted behavior was excused as “free-spirited”…but one of the blessings of a co-op is indeed helping children learn how to operate in a group setting, and sometimes it takes a while. I remember dong lots of art projects with the kids who needed extra attention. When all else fails, compliment their creativity. Wearing two different colored socks while standing on her head in the corner? Cool! As long as it doesn’t interfere with the learning of other kids, say something positive and let it go.
8. Leaders must be respectful of the concerns and priorities of all members. We’ve probably all experienced support group leaders who seem to have their own priorities. While we all might appreciate that she sells cosmetics as a home-based business, for example, she should not try to sell her skin-care line to group members. On the other hand, sometimes people who gravitate to leadership positions have skills and experiences that are valuable to their fellow homeschooling families. The first support group I ever joined had a remarkable leader who had learned to stretch a household budget and still provide wholesome, healthy meals for her very large family. After sensing that many group members could benefit from her knowledge, she generously offered to conduct workshops sharing her expertise. Those who were interested participated; many of her ideas are still with me all these years later. That Mom was a beautiful example of a leader who also served. If you are a homeschool support group leader, or if you aspire to become one, be willing to serve.
9. Members must not expect leaders or others to do all the work. I have helped coordinate a large homeschool support group for many years. We do not charge membership fees, so I receive no financial compensation for the many hours I spend writing and coordinating our newsletter and answering emails. And yet I occasionally receive emails complaining about something…like a field trip that is not a convenient date for a particular family, or low attendance at an event. My reply is always the same: if you don’t like how something is planned or how it turns out, roll up your sleeves and do it yourself! If you want your children to see a particular exhibit at a museum, but the field trip date is not convenient for your family’s schedule, please don’t complain about it. Organize a similar one to your liking! Volunteer leaders are just that—volunteers, not your employees or your family’s activity director!
10. Respect each family’s uniqueness. Yes, you read that right—I included it first and last on this list. Don’t judge; open your mind and heart to the blessings of a diverse group of homeschooling friends. It is so important that I’m saying it twice. From a Muslim homeschooling Mom, I once learned how to complete a complicated sewing project. From other homeschoolers, I learned how to cook spicy Indian food. I learned how to make homemade tortillas as they do in Guatemala. I learned how to grow and cook collard greens. My kids have found themselves in situations when they are the only native English speakers—and they were not uncomfortable. By exposing our kids to the richness of the world around them, and the people who live near and far, we help them embrace diversity and appreciate others with a wide worldview.
These ten suggestions are intended to help homeschool groups operate effectively and peacefully. If you still feel conflict and can’t seem to feel comfortable in your local support group, create your own! Create a homeschool support group that meets your family’s needs and embraces your homeschooling philosophy. Maybe there are other families out there just like yours who are just looking to connect in a similar way. Regardless, let the qualities of mutual respect and an appreciation for diversity carry you forward on your homeschooling journey.
Suzanne Wielgos became a homeschooling Mom in 1994. Today, her oldest of five children is in college and her youngest is finishing 4th grade. She coordinates her local homeschool group in the Chicago area, encouraging those new to homeschooling and providing a forum for discussion and support.
