by Amanda van der Gulik
Have you ever felt you were misunderstood?
If you haven't then you are one of the lucky few.
Have you ever felt frustrated to the core of your soul, deeply hurt even, because someone just seemed to totally misunderstand you?
I certainly have, for sure. It feels pretty awful, to say the least.
And what's worse, you find yourself having only two seemingly possible choices: either ignore your own feelings in order to "keep the peace" or BLOW UP! Am I right?
Well, I'm definitely not an expert on the matter but what I do know is what has worked for my own life and what hasn't. And guess what? Neither of those options worked for me.
One would inevitably lead to the other. If I kept my feelings to myself then it would only be a matter of certain time before I would get to that emotional tipping point when I could no longer keep my feelings in check and some small, irrelevant comment, action or event would result in me blowing up... always at the most inconvenient and inappropriate of times!
And if I tried the other, blow up immediately, then inevitably I would end up regretting my explosion, try my best to "fix" it and end up just keeping every feeling that followed the catastrophe to myself which would start the whole circle of repetition and lack of actual positive change, yet again!
Hopeless right?
Well, what if you had a third option?
Would you take it?
Even if it was tremendously difficult, particularly on your ego?
Trust me I never 'want' to take this option because it's downright uncomfortable. ...but in most cases... absolutely worth it!
What is it?
Total Honest Communication
Yup! Oh sure it may sound easy, but trust me when I tell you...it's not!
But worth it?
Definitely!
So how do you do it?
By taking yourself out of the equation.
Release your own stress, your own ideas of what is 'right' and honestly let the other person explain their feelings to you.
Yes, it will absolutely feel uncomfortable to put yourself in a position where you feel vulnerable. Trust me it'll be worth it.
Even just having a true understanding of how the other is feeling, where their feelings are stemming from, will become a tool that you can then use going forward.
It doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Absolutely not!
But just listen. Let them blow off their steam. Don't say a word except to encourage them to get it all off their chest. Then once they have done that. Trust you feelings... Is it safe now to tell them what you are feeling or does your instinct say to give them more time to cool off and truly feel that you are honestly listening to them before you open up?
Trust yourself.
If you relax and just put yourself in an open and receptive state then you will know when the time will be right to have your opportunity to tell them how you feel. But make sure you first let them know, REALLY KNOW, that you honestly heard them.
That you truly appreciate their feelings, even if they differ from your own.
Even if you don't get the opportunity to express your own feelings, you have still won... ...you know where they are coming from... and that means you have the higher understanding!
You are the one who has the clearer picture.
I learned some of these techniques from my dear friend, John Seeley M.A. Take a look at this short interview I did with him, where he explains how to use this type of technique on your kids and teens:
I sincerely hope my experience will help you and this video will help you. This is something you can use with anyone, your spouse, your kids, especially your teenagers! ;)
Love you, Thank-you.
Cheers...Amanda...Excited Life Enthusiast! ;o)
Best-selling author, Amanda van der Gulik homeschooled her own two children for over 12 years. As founder of www.TeachingChildrenAboutMoney.com, Amanda is constantly being interviewed for parenting shows, like Radio Disney, on TV, radio, in newspapers, magazines and blogs all over the world. Visit Amanda’s site today to grab your FREE copy of her eBook, “Goal-Setting for Families", her "Mindmovies for Kids and Teens” or her “The 6 Magical Piggy Banks” cartoon to help give your child some great ideas of how they can earn their own money!
Have you ever felt you were misunderstood?
If you haven't then you are one of the lucky few.
Have you ever felt frustrated to the core of your soul, deeply hurt even, because someone just seemed to totally misunderstand you?
I certainly have, for sure. It feels pretty awful, to say the least.
And what's worse, you find yourself having only two seemingly possible choices: either ignore your own feelings in order to "keep the peace" or BLOW UP! Am I right?
Well, I'm definitely not an expert on the matter but what I do know is what has worked for my own life and what hasn't. And guess what? Neither of those options worked for me.
One would inevitably lead to the other. If I kept my feelings to myself then it would only be a matter of certain time before I would get to that emotional tipping point when I could no longer keep my feelings in check and some small, irrelevant comment, action or event would result in me blowing up... always at the most inconvenient and inappropriate of times!
And if I tried the other, blow up immediately, then inevitably I would end up regretting my explosion, try my best to "fix" it and end up just keeping every feeling that followed the catastrophe to myself which would start the whole circle of repetition and lack of actual positive change, yet again!
Hopeless right?
Well, what if you had a third option?
Would you take it?
Even if it was tremendously difficult, particularly on your ego?
Trust me I never 'want' to take this option because it's downright uncomfortable. ...but in most cases... absolutely worth it!
What is it?
Total Honest Communication
Yup! Oh sure it may sound easy, but trust me when I tell you...it's not!
But worth it?
Definitely!
So how do you do it?
By taking yourself out of the equation.
Release your own stress, your own ideas of what is 'right' and honestly let the other person explain their feelings to you.
Yes, it will absolutely feel uncomfortable to put yourself in a position where you feel vulnerable. Trust me it'll be worth it.
Even just having a true understanding of how the other is feeling, where their feelings are stemming from, will become a tool that you can then use going forward.
It doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Absolutely not!
But just listen. Let them blow off their steam. Don't say a word except to encourage them to get it all off their chest. Then once they have done that. Trust you feelings... Is it safe now to tell them what you are feeling or does your instinct say to give them more time to cool off and truly feel that you are honestly listening to them before you open up?
Trust yourself.
If you relax and just put yourself in an open and receptive state then you will know when the time will be right to have your opportunity to tell them how you feel. But make sure you first let them know, REALLY KNOW, that you honestly heard them.
That you truly appreciate their feelings, even if they differ from your own.
Even if you don't get the opportunity to express your own feelings, you have still won... ...you know where they are coming from... and that means you have the higher understanding!
You are the one who has the clearer picture.
I learned some of these techniques from my dear friend, John Seeley M.A. Take a look at this short interview I did with him, where he explains how to use this type of technique on your kids and teens:
I sincerely hope my experience will help you and this video will help you. This is something you can use with anyone, your spouse, your kids, especially your teenagers! ;)
Love you, Thank-you.
Cheers...Amanda...Excited Life Enthusiast! ;o)
Best-selling author, Amanda van der Gulik homeschooled her own two children for over 12 years. As founder of www.TeachingChildrenAboutMoney.com, Amanda is constantly being interviewed for parenting shows, like Radio Disney, on TV, radio, in newspapers, magazines and blogs all over the world. Visit Amanda’s site today to grab your FREE copy of her eBook, “Goal-Setting for Families", her "Mindmovies for Kids and Teens” or her “The 6 Magical Piggy Banks” cartoon to help give your child some great ideas of how they can earn their own money!
