by Lisa McKenzie
It’s important as adults working with children to be able to maintain composure. When adults are able to practice composure you are being the person that you want others to become. The perception that can be used when practicing composure is that no one can make you angry without your permission. And the purpose of composure is to remain calm enough to teach children how to behave by example.
Composure of adults is important to the learning of children. The most optimal brain function occurs in environments that are safe.
Composure principles are as follows:
1. Composure is self control in action. It is the prerequisite skill adults need to discipline children.
2. Healthy, secure relationships require that we control our own upset. No one can make us angry without out permission.
3. Start each day practicing ways to reduce stress.
4. The job of the teacher is to keep the classroom or learning area safe so children can learn. The job for children is to help to keep the learning area safe.
The first principle is: Composure is self control in action. It is a skill that adults need to have prior to working with and disciplining children. This principle has to do with self control. The way we choose to perceive a situation dictates whether we become upset or whether we are able to remain composed. Here’s an exercise to practice: Breath in and say, “No one can make me upset,” then exhale and say, “without my permission.” Composure is a choice that we can make no matter how chaotic the external environment seems to appear. The power of perception is important to consider with this principle. Remember that in any situation you can choose to be a S.T.A.R. The star stands for Smile Take a deep breath And Relax.
Self control involves becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings. This is self-awareness. With this self-awareness you become the director of your own thoughts and behavior. Without self control people have a tendency to turn their lives over to other people, to events and things. Without self-awareness you may live your life on remote control, possibly being unconscious of yourself. Or you may focus only on what other people think and feel, not being aware of you. Most people have no idea what they are thinking or feeling. What is really happening is a continuous self-talk and inner speech in our heads. Our minds are constantly thinking and wandering. Becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings is a huge accomplishment.
Building willpower over impulse and insecurity is self-control. Self control means you are self disciplined. Self discipline is a prerequisite to working with children. You cannot teach skills you don’t possess.
Adults who have mastered self control and the skill of composure do these things:
1. Focus on what they want the child to accomplish
2. Celebrate the child’s successes and choices
3. See situations from the child’s perspective
4. Creatively teach the child how to communicate her wishes and frustrations with words, and in an acceptable manner
5. Hold the child accountable to these teachings on ways to communication
Adults who are out of control focus on what they don’t want, see only from their point of view, and punish instead of teach (such as sending a child to the office).
The second principle is: Healthy secure relationships require that we control our own upset. No one can make us angry without our permission.
Here are examples of angry statements: “Look what you made me do. Don’t force me to send you to time out.” When using these statements adults are sending a message to children that they are responsible for your upset. When you place someone else in charge of your emotions, you place that person in charge of you. Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in control of you.
If you want to be in control of your own life, you must be prepared to control your own upset. Your thoughts create your emotions.
We see the world not as it is, but through the lens of our judgments about what is desirable. You have expectations about how the world should work, and when it doesn’t you get upset. You are never upset for the reason you think you are.
We have trigger thoughts that cause us to feel angry and upset. Trigger thoughts are caused by stress, and then we have a tendency to blame others because of feeling powerless. Here’s a way to calm yourself and change trigger thoughts into calming thoughts: Say to yourself: “I am safe, I am calm, I can handle this.” This will create a feeling of being more relaxed and capable.
The next principle is: Start each day practicing ways to reduce stress. Some ways to reduce stress each day in a classroom or a learning environment includes activities to unite allowing children to feel united to each other and the adults, activities to disengage the stress response, activities to connect the children to each other and to the adults, and activities to commit each child to learning.
Examples of uniting are singing and the pledge of allegiance. Activities to disengage the stress response include deep breathing and stretching. Activities to connect people together include touch and eye contact. It’s important to include activities to relax such as stretching, activities to focus, and activities to breathe when feeling stress. There are many known activities that can be used.
The first six years of life are the most critical period in human neural development. At this time the child learns whether the world is safe and dependable, learns to speak ad recognize familiar faces, and learns how to use behavior to interact with others. Exposure to stressors during this time may be detrimental to the future sensitivity of the child’s nervous system, preventing the ability to delay gratification, overcome impulsiveness, establish closeness, show empathy for others, establish friendships and maintain composure. A nervous system that is stressed in early childhood can develop an over-sensitive alarm system, undermine a child’s motivation to behave in the future, prevent the child from forming bonds with others and not allow the child to develop the ability to focus.
It’s important to create an environment that is a low stress environment where there is respect for each other and where everyone feels like they belong. A learning environment that creates bonds and forms a sense of community that is focused on social success supports the highest motivation of all its members.
The fourth principle is: The job of the teacher is to keep the classroom or learning area safe so children can learn. The job for children is to help to keep the learning area safe.
There are solutions for all children no matter what stressors occurred early in their lives. We can consciously design learning environments that build a sense of connectedness. The critical factor for determining stress levels is safety. We must build our classrooms and learning environments with a focus on safety to help all children. It’s important for adults and teachers to repeat over and over to children, “My job is to keep the environment or classroom safe.” Relate everything you do to safety. Then the adult must create an environment that is also psychologically safe by controlling the adult’s own upset. Create a “safe place” instead of a place for time out. It provides a place for children to remove themselves from others in order to regain a sense of calm, regain composure and maintain control. It’s a way for children to be helpful and not hurtful.
By focusing on these principles of composure, the learning environment for children will be an place for learning and developing to each child’s greatest potential.
Lisa McKenzie is a teacher with an Arizona state certification for Kindergarten through 8th grade. Lisa has many years of experience teaching many different ages and grades, from toddlers through high school. She enjoys working and interacting with children of all age groups. Lisa believes that building a foundation of values from an early age and continuing an ongoing practice of these values improves the ability to learn as well as creating a strong basis in which to live a fulfilling and enriched life. Lisa also teaches skills for parents and adults in order to positively respond to children instead of reacting.
lmckenzieatpeace@msn.com
602-579-9461
It’s important as adults working with children to be able to maintain composure. When adults are able to practice composure you are being the person that you want others to become. The perception that can be used when practicing composure is that no one can make you angry without your permission. And the purpose of composure is to remain calm enough to teach children how to behave by example.
Composure of adults is important to the learning of children. The most optimal brain function occurs in environments that are safe.
Composure principles are as follows:
1. Composure is self control in action. It is the prerequisite skill adults need to discipline children.
2. Healthy, secure relationships require that we control our own upset. No one can make us angry without out permission.
3. Start each day practicing ways to reduce stress.
4. The job of the teacher is to keep the classroom or learning area safe so children can learn. The job for children is to help to keep the learning area safe.
The first principle is: Composure is self control in action. It is a skill that adults need to have prior to working with and disciplining children. This principle has to do with self control. The way we choose to perceive a situation dictates whether we become upset or whether we are able to remain composed. Here’s an exercise to practice: Breath in and say, “No one can make me upset,” then exhale and say, “without my permission.” Composure is a choice that we can make no matter how chaotic the external environment seems to appear. The power of perception is important to consider with this principle. Remember that in any situation you can choose to be a S.T.A.R. The star stands for Smile Take a deep breath And Relax.
Self control involves becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings. This is self-awareness. With this self-awareness you become the director of your own thoughts and behavior. Without self control people have a tendency to turn their lives over to other people, to events and things. Without self-awareness you may live your life on remote control, possibly being unconscious of yourself. Or you may focus only on what other people think and feel, not being aware of you. Most people have no idea what they are thinking or feeling. What is really happening is a continuous self-talk and inner speech in our heads. Our minds are constantly thinking and wandering. Becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings is a huge accomplishment.
Building willpower over impulse and insecurity is self-control. Self control means you are self disciplined. Self discipline is a prerequisite to working with children. You cannot teach skills you don’t possess.
Adults who have mastered self control and the skill of composure do these things:
1. Focus on what they want the child to accomplish
2. Celebrate the child’s successes and choices
3. See situations from the child’s perspective
4. Creatively teach the child how to communicate her wishes and frustrations with words, and in an acceptable manner
5. Hold the child accountable to these teachings on ways to communication
Adults who are out of control focus on what they don’t want, see only from their point of view, and punish instead of teach (such as sending a child to the office).
The second principle is: Healthy secure relationships require that we control our own upset. No one can make us angry without our permission.
Here are examples of angry statements: “Look what you made me do. Don’t force me to send you to time out.” When using these statements adults are sending a message to children that they are responsible for your upset. When you place someone else in charge of your emotions, you place that person in charge of you. Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in control of you.
If you want to be in control of your own life, you must be prepared to control your own upset. Your thoughts create your emotions.
We see the world not as it is, but through the lens of our judgments about what is desirable. You have expectations about how the world should work, and when it doesn’t you get upset. You are never upset for the reason you think you are.
We have trigger thoughts that cause us to feel angry and upset. Trigger thoughts are caused by stress, and then we have a tendency to blame others because of feeling powerless. Here’s a way to calm yourself and change trigger thoughts into calming thoughts: Say to yourself: “I am safe, I am calm, I can handle this.” This will create a feeling of being more relaxed and capable.
The next principle is: Start each day practicing ways to reduce stress. Some ways to reduce stress each day in a classroom or a learning environment includes activities to unite allowing children to feel united to each other and the adults, activities to disengage the stress response, activities to connect the children to each other and to the adults, and activities to commit each child to learning.
Examples of uniting are singing and the pledge of allegiance. Activities to disengage the stress response include deep breathing and stretching. Activities to connect people together include touch and eye contact. It’s important to include activities to relax such as stretching, activities to focus, and activities to breathe when feeling stress. There are many known activities that can be used.
The first six years of life are the most critical period in human neural development. At this time the child learns whether the world is safe and dependable, learns to speak ad recognize familiar faces, and learns how to use behavior to interact with others. Exposure to stressors during this time may be detrimental to the future sensitivity of the child’s nervous system, preventing the ability to delay gratification, overcome impulsiveness, establish closeness, show empathy for others, establish friendships and maintain composure. A nervous system that is stressed in early childhood can develop an over-sensitive alarm system, undermine a child’s motivation to behave in the future, prevent the child from forming bonds with others and not allow the child to develop the ability to focus.
It’s important to create an environment that is a low stress environment where there is respect for each other and where everyone feels like they belong. A learning environment that creates bonds and forms a sense of community that is focused on social success supports the highest motivation of all its members.
The fourth principle is: The job of the teacher is to keep the classroom or learning area safe so children can learn. The job for children is to help to keep the learning area safe.
There are solutions for all children no matter what stressors occurred early in their lives. We can consciously design learning environments that build a sense of connectedness. The critical factor for determining stress levels is safety. We must build our classrooms and learning environments with a focus on safety to help all children. It’s important for adults and teachers to repeat over and over to children, “My job is to keep the environment or classroom safe.” Relate everything you do to safety. Then the adult must create an environment that is also psychologically safe by controlling the adult’s own upset. Create a “safe place” instead of a place for time out. It provides a place for children to remove themselves from others in order to regain a sense of calm, regain composure and maintain control. It’s a way for children to be helpful and not hurtful.
By focusing on these principles of composure, the learning environment for children will be an place for learning and developing to each child’s greatest potential.
Lisa McKenzie is a teacher with an Arizona state certification for Kindergarten through 8th grade. Lisa has many years of experience teaching many different ages and grades, from toddlers through high school. She enjoys working and interacting with children of all age groups. Lisa believes that building a foundation of values from an early age and continuing an ongoing practice of these values improves the ability to learn as well as creating a strong basis in which to live a fulfilling and enriched life. Lisa also teaches skills for parents and adults in order to positively respond to children instead of reacting.
lmckenzieatpeace@msn.com
602-579-9461
