A long time friend of mine, a clinical psychologist, says on his relaxation CD “We learn to be tense and we can learn to relax”. My reader’s thought bubble is probably saying “Easier said than done!” When tensions builds, a feeling of overwhelm and chaos can set it. In this article and others to follow, I will lay out a few easy strategies to help your family members learn how to relax and calm chaos.
Chaos can take many forms. The kids are tearing around the house shouting at the top of their little lungs, that carry a mighty decibel level. The “kiddie clutter” on the floor is so dense you can barely traverse the room. There is never enough time to pay the bills and you are too weary to face it at 11PM. My readers can surely supply more examples of the own personal chaos. The thing about chaos is that it arises from tension and a lack of relaxation, and it creates more stress.
Relaxation is the natural harmonizer of tension and emotional chaos. Creating order and routines are the natural harmonizer of “household” chaos. In both cases, developing “mindfulness” about our internal and external world is an important component to change.
“Mindfulness” means being present and aware in the moment. To be mindful, one needs to achieve a certain level of internal relaxation. Where do we begin? Is learning how to relax and create less chaos realistic. Yes, it is!
Motivating Change: New behavior needs a motivator to make the change. Create a “star” chart or other reward system. Think of a fun title, like “Calming Chaos Star Chart”. Agree to some fun activity you will all do together as a family “reward” for earning, say 15-20 stars. Buy colorful stars or stickers.
Bedtime Circle Time: Ten minutes or so before bedtime, gather everyone together in your child’s bedroom. Sit down in a circle.
Take a Breath: Say something like this: “Let’s practice being relaxed. Let’s all take 6 slow breaths. “ (Demonstrate slow breathing)
Creating Order: Now say something like this “OK. Let’s look around the room and find something that needs to go back to its place.” (Demonstrate finding something and putting it away). Encourage your child to do the same. Find a few more items. It is not necessary to put everything in order. Practice taking steps towards to goal.
Praise: Reward your child “Great. We made a little more calm and order in our space. Let’s put a star on your chart!” Then put on the star.
If your child does not want to cooperate with Step #4, then you peacefully get up and put a few things in order, and give yourself a star! Your child might want to do the same tomorrow.
I encourage you to do this exercise most nights for a month. Notice what changes take place. Let me know! I welcome your feedback at pennie@healthierhappierlife.com. Mention “HERD Reply” in the subject.
Working with physicians and psychologists at a major medical center, former teacher and mediator, Pennie Sempell, JD, ACMT specializes in integrative healing arts and mind-body therapies. She has written, performed and produced award-winning programs for children with a focus on health literacy. www.HealthierHappierLife.com.
