by Barbara Frank
When we look at our babies, we like to imagine what they’ll grow up to be someday. As they grow older and display distinct talents and abilities, we can’t help but point each of them in the direction we think they should go as we develop a vision for each child we know so well.
On the surface, this sounds good, and like something God would have us do as one of our parental responsibilities. It’s also a natural and common reaction for parents to have. But is it biblical?
Dig out your concordance and start looking for the spot in the Bible where God says we must determine a vision for each of our children and aim them toward it. Over the course of your search you’ll find many responsibilities for parents. For instance, we are to:
● Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)
● Discipline them and make sure they obey us (1 Timothy 3:4)
● Teach them about God and his commandments (Deut. 6:6-9, 11:19)
● Avoid exasperating them (Ephesians 6:4)
But nowhere does it say we’re responsible for developing a vision for them. That’s because we are not the source of visions. God is the source of visions. (According to Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, visions are “audiovisual means of communication between a heavenly being and an earthly recipient.”) Look up the stories of people like Abraham, Peter, Ananias, Cornelius … the list goes on. All of them received visions from God because true visions only come from God.
So our own vision for each of our children, however well-intentioned, isn’t good enough. It’s God’s vision for our children that counts. Our challenge is to follow God’s rules for raising children and leave the vision up to Him, because determining a vision for each of our children isn’t our job. It’s beyond our pay level. It’s taking on a burden we’re not strong enough to carry. And doing so can create damage.
Some parents push their children very hard in a certain direction because of something they see in them, some obvious gift or some aspect of their disposition, and if the child doesn’t agree, he either rebels or ends up unhappy in his future career. Other parents, wounded by an unachieved goal or lost hope from their own youth, push that vision on their child, often with disastrous results. (Stage mothers are a classic example of this principle.) A parent’s vision for their child, whether founded in love, ambition, or some other emotion, is often flawed.
Our job is to raise our children according to God’s teachings so that they’re ready and waiting for God’s direction in their lives, not ours. We’re just temporary caretakers; He is their true parent. By raising our kids to be open to God’s vision for them, by teaching them to pray for guidance and to go to us for counsel but not specific direction, we perform our job while not taking on God’s job.
It’s hard to resist the temptation to develop a personal vision for each of our children, especially once we begin to recognize our children’s gifts and talents. We can’t help but want to push them in certain directions. Ironically, our good intentions in this area may be a waste of time. While studies have shown that highly talented and creative individuals are led to their future careers in a variety of ways, parental pressure is rarely cited as one of them. In his book The Element, creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson shares the stories of many famous talented people who successfully followed their own interests, or passions as Robinson calls them. Not one of them achieved greatness by following their parents’ passions. In fact, in most cases the parents, if mentioned at all, either encouraged their children to find their own passions, or at the very least did not get in their way. So our personal visions for our children’s future may have little influence on them.
That said, we can certainly help our children learn to wait for God to reveal His vision for their lives. Since children learn far more from what we do than from what we say, we can mentor them in their faith by being good models for them. We can make it clear to them that we look to God for His vision for our life instead of pursuing our own direction. Do they see us praying for direction when we come to crossroads in our lives? Do they hear us discuss waiting on God? Do we talk to them about these things, share our thoughts about these things with them? Or do they see us forging ahead in pursuit of our own desires, never pausing to ask whether what we want is what God wants for us.
Remember as homeschooling parents who regularly find curriculum, choose activities and make daily decisions about our children, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking it’s up to us to establish a vision for our children and lead them toward it. But we’re facilitators, not controllers. We can help our children by obtaining requested musical or sports equipment, or by taking our children to lessons that help them develop a skill (based on their interests, not our own). But it’s not our job to nudge them in the direction of our personal vision for them. By teaching them instead to be open to God’s leading, we help them wait for God’s vision, the perfect vision for each of our children.
Copyright 2012 Barbara Frank/ Cardamom Publishers
Originally published in Wisdom Family Magazine ( www.wisdomhomeschooling.com)
Barbara Frank homeschooled her four children for 25 years. You’ll find her on the web at www.barbarafrankonline.com and www.thrivinginthe21stcentury.com
When we look at our babies, we like to imagine what they’ll grow up to be someday. As they grow older and display distinct talents and abilities, we can’t help but point each of them in the direction we think they should go as we develop a vision for each child we know so well.
On the surface, this sounds good, and like something God would have us do as one of our parental responsibilities. It’s also a natural and common reaction for parents to have. But is it biblical?
Dig out your concordance and start looking for the spot in the Bible where God says we must determine a vision for each of our children and aim them toward it. Over the course of your search you’ll find many responsibilities for parents. For instance, we are to:
● Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)
● Discipline them and make sure they obey us (1 Timothy 3:4)
● Teach them about God and his commandments (Deut. 6:6-9, 11:19)
● Avoid exasperating them (Ephesians 6:4)
But nowhere does it say we’re responsible for developing a vision for them. That’s because we are not the source of visions. God is the source of visions. (According to Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, visions are “audiovisual means of communication between a heavenly being and an earthly recipient.”) Look up the stories of people like Abraham, Peter, Ananias, Cornelius … the list goes on. All of them received visions from God because true visions only come from God.
So our own vision for each of our children, however well-intentioned, isn’t good enough. It’s God’s vision for our children that counts. Our challenge is to follow God’s rules for raising children and leave the vision up to Him, because determining a vision for each of our children isn’t our job. It’s beyond our pay level. It’s taking on a burden we’re not strong enough to carry. And doing so can create damage.
Some parents push their children very hard in a certain direction because of something they see in them, some obvious gift or some aspect of their disposition, and if the child doesn’t agree, he either rebels or ends up unhappy in his future career. Other parents, wounded by an unachieved goal or lost hope from their own youth, push that vision on their child, often with disastrous results. (Stage mothers are a classic example of this principle.) A parent’s vision for their child, whether founded in love, ambition, or some other emotion, is often flawed.
Our job is to raise our children according to God’s teachings so that they’re ready and waiting for God’s direction in their lives, not ours. We’re just temporary caretakers; He is their true parent. By raising our kids to be open to God’s vision for them, by teaching them to pray for guidance and to go to us for counsel but not specific direction, we perform our job while not taking on God’s job.
It’s hard to resist the temptation to develop a personal vision for each of our children, especially once we begin to recognize our children’s gifts and talents. We can’t help but want to push them in certain directions. Ironically, our good intentions in this area may be a waste of time. While studies have shown that highly talented and creative individuals are led to their future careers in a variety of ways, parental pressure is rarely cited as one of them. In his book The Element, creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson shares the stories of many famous talented people who successfully followed their own interests, or passions as Robinson calls them. Not one of them achieved greatness by following their parents’ passions. In fact, in most cases the parents, if mentioned at all, either encouraged their children to find their own passions, or at the very least did not get in their way. So our personal visions for our children’s future may have little influence on them.
That said, we can certainly help our children learn to wait for God to reveal His vision for their lives. Since children learn far more from what we do than from what we say, we can mentor them in their faith by being good models for them. We can make it clear to them that we look to God for His vision for our life instead of pursuing our own direction. Do they see us praying for direction when we come to crossroads in our lives? Do they hear us discuss waiting on God? Do we talk to them about these things, share our thoughts about these things with them? Or do they see us forging ahead in pursuit of our own desires, never pausing to ask whether what we want is what God wants for us.
Remember as homeschooling parents who regularly find curriculum, choose activities and make daily decisions about our children, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking it’s up to us to establish a vision for our children and lead them toward it. But we’re facilitators, not controllers. We can help our children by obtaining requested musical or sports equipment, or by taking our children to lessons that help them develop a skill (based on their interests, not our own). But it’s not our job to nudge them in the direction of our personal vision for them. By teaching them instead to be open to God’s leading, we help them wait for God’s vision, the perfect vision for each of our children.
Copyright 2012 Barbara Frank/ Cardamom Publishers
Originally published in Wisdom Family Magazine ( www.wisdomhomeschooling.com)
Barbara Frank homeschooled her four children for 25 years. You’ll find her on the web at www.barbarafrankonline.com and www.thrivinginthe21stcentury.com
