Part Two: Working with Your Brain
by Jay Lambert, MSW, LCSW, NHAC
Last month I wrote about the overall structure of the human brain, and explained in very basic detail the three layers that make up our brain - namely the reptilian, mammalian, and primate layers. Each of these layers has different strengths and weaknesses, and each is designed to fulfill a specific purpose. Knowing how these different parts fit together - and how that doesn’t always work out so well - is key to understanding so much of our own behavior.
OUR “INNER REPTILE”
We’ve all heard of the “inner child,” that part of us that remembers our youth, and can “go back” to that time and place in our minds and hearts. Even though we are all grown up, we sometimes find ourselves thinking and feeling like we used to as a child, especially when we are in surroundings or situations that remind us of those times. For example, when I go home and visit family, it is amazing how all of us revert back to our old roles. The same pecking order between the kids plays out, and my parents will use our pet names, forgetting we are in our 30’s. I think most of you can relate to some extent.
Well, that inner child is there because we remember our childhoods, and those memories influence who we are today. It is as if our childhood is still very much inside of us, and for better or for worse, finds its way out of us from time to time. Sometimes it makes for a very pleasant reliving of something from our youth, like going to ball game after years of not going, and feeling a youthful pleasure again for the first time in years. At other times, it can be a real painful experience, like when we are made fun of or teased by someone about something that we were teased about growing up, and old fears and reactions come out of nowhere.
The bottom line is that our so-called “inner child” is the result of our experiences, and is inside of us, influencing who we are and how we behave. And in a very similar fashion, we all have an inner reptile, too. But unlike our inner child, our inner reptile is not there because of past experiences we had as individuals; our inner reptile is there because of past growth we have had as a species. It is the result of our collective evolutionary memory - otherwise known as instincts. And understanding these instincts - these evolutionary memories - and how they work can help us learn how to manage our feelings and thoughts much more effectively and proactively.
HOW THE INNER REPTILE WORKS
Our inner reptile - or the reptilian core of our brains - uses the fight or flight response to protect us from perceived threats. When triggered this instinct reacts to all things that it perceives as a threat with the same basic biological response - our pulse races, breathing accelerates, muscles tense, and so on. But since each of us has our own experiences, our inner reptile learns to perceive threats in a unique way. When combined with our innate traits, these unique experiences help explain why one of us develops a fear of heights, another of loud sounds, another of strangers, and yet another of the dark. In other words, it might be helpful to think of your brain as the hardware and your experiences as the software - software that we are continually “downloading” into our minds.
Given enough time, these experiences create impressions that help guide us through our lives. Call them “lessons learned.” And these lessons need not be true or even rational per se to have an impact - they just need to be believed. And when our inner reptile believes a lesson, it reacts accordingly. As an example, imagine what would change emotionally for a small boy who loved dogs if one day he got bit by one. His inner reptile used to believe the idea “Dogs are fun,” but after being bit that same inner reptile decided to believe that “Dogs are trying to hurt you.” This lesson learned could create a whole new trigger, such that every time the boy saw a dog, his heart raced, his pulse quickened, and he refused to get near it. Whether the dog is actually dangerous is beside the point, because all the reptile brain does is perceive threat and react based upon the trigger.
HOW CAN YOU GET THROUGH TO THE REPTILE BRAIN?
For many of us, the fears we carry around can be overwhelming. The good news is that our personal fears, doubts, worries and concerns do not have to remain debilitating. We can work with our brain our inner reptile so that irrational fears and worries are changed into rational concerns with rational responses, or literally turned into the fears of yesterday. It does take work, but it can be done.
To “fix” the reptile brain, we need to first understand that this part of us does not respond to learning - it responds to training. And yes, there is a very big difference, at least in the way I am using the terms. Learning is happening when we are able to absorb knowledge and information in the abstract. We can, for example, sit in front of a chalkboard and be taught the alphabet. We can read a book. And so on. These are learning activities, and we use abstract thought to make in work. In essence this is possible because the higher brain - the primate brain - can think in the abstract. This is why monkeys and apes, just like us, can be taught. Some have been taught sign language even, an abstract, symbolic language. But there’s no way to do that with a reptile. No lizard, turtle, snake or alligator could do that. But they can be trained. And the difference is, training cannot be symbolic - training occurs in real time, not with abstract thought, but with concrete, in the moment experiences. This is why, for example, you can tell some teenagers a hundred times about the dangers and risks of speeding - but find that the message doesn’t REALLY sink in until after their first ticket or accident. There is teaching, and then there is training. And I think most of us can appreciate that to be taught something is one thing, but to experience it - to be trained in it - is a whole different story.
HOW TO (RE)TRAIN YOUR INNER REPTILE
So how do we actual pull off this training? How do we get that little inner reptile to “get it” in a level deep enough to truly get past old fears and doubts? Yes, it is a lot of work, but it is doable. Here are some step-by-step ideas to get you started and pointed in the right direction. But please keep in mind if you are dealing with fears that resulted from deep traumas, abuse, or other types of experiences, you may need professional help. Some retraining should not to be done in a “do it yourself” manner. But if you want to do this on your own to address a manageable fear or doubt that you are struggling with, give it a shot. I’ve had it work for me and my clients many, many times.
Here are the steps:
First, identify a fear.
Get out a piece of paper and write down at the top of it the first fear or worry you wish to address. Make it a relatively small one, but one that you feel motivated to work on. This fear must be unreasonable. Reasonable fears are good for us, because they protect us. So start with one that you know is the result of programming and is not rational.
Second, identify your triggers.
On that piece of paper, write down all the events, situations, places, times of day, days of the week, and so on that cause you to “go reptile” - or in other words, that bring out the fight or flight response in you. This could take days or even weeks to do in a truly thorough way. You will want to work from memory, but also write down those triggers as they occur in real time. It may be helpful to bring a piece of paper in your pocket or pursue with a small pencil or a pen so you can write them down right after you have identified them.
Third, identify the feelings associated with your roots.
Once you have a pretty comprehensive list of triggers associated with a specific fear, then take time to sit down and identify the feelings that are associated with each of those triggers. Remember, feelings are not the same as thoughts. Most people will express their feelings, at times, in this manner: “I feel like I’m going to explode.” That statement is a thought, not a feeling. This might be anger. Or fear. Or jealousy. And so on. Make sure that you get the feeling identified.
Fourth, identify the thoughts associated with your feelings.
After you get the feelings down, identify the thoughts that go along with them, ones that are connected with each feeling. Think of them as tapes that you “hear” in your mind when those feelings are triggered. This is not easy to do, and will take time, but if done properly you will be able to find thoughts that are associated with those feelings. For example, the little boy who got bit by a dog may have a new automatic negative thought programmed into him, associated with fear, that says in his mind every time he sees a dog “That dog is going to bite me if I get close to it.” This will take time and introspection to be done correctly, and it will require real honesty with yourself. And keep in mind, these thoughts will be irrational. Don’t worry, that’s the idea.
Fifth, write reasonable, rational, and most importantly true statements that refute the irrational and unreasonable thoughts you identified.
Many people say to me at this point “If I could be rational, I wouldn’t have this fear.” I get that. My desire is for you to use your rational and reasonable skills when you are not being triggered to think about how to rewrite those tapes that are playing in the form of automatic thoughts when you are triggered. You cannot do this on the fly, right after you are triggered and feeling those associated emotions. We need to figure out new, rational and positive thoughts while we are not in our reptile-dominated mental state - otherwise known as our “right mind.” So take that paper out, read those irrational thoughts, and write new thoughts - rational and positive ones - that you would like to eventually replace the old ones with.
Sixth, use daily, consistent and deliberate self-talk based upon your “new” thoughts.
This is vital. Every day, set aside time to do daily affirmation utilizing these new thoughts. Do it front of a mirror, at your desk, or wherever you can do it. Say them out loud, with conviction. You have to “get into it.” I know this sounds strange, but that inner reptile will be able to see through insincerity. It will feel very weird and “corny” but I assure you this is powerful and cannot be skipped over or ignored. Do it in private, out of the ear shot of others. The more you allow yourself to simply get into it, the more power you give that new thoughts to go deep inside your brain and to begin “wrestling” with the old thoughts.
Seventh, identify ways to “practice” these new thoughts and do it.
When you feel ready, pick some real life experiences that will allow your new thoughts to go from abstract to concrete. If your fear was of public speaking, for example, the first thing would be to schedule a time to do a presentation or read a poem or something like that in a safe, controlled, but still challenging setting that pushes you but does not crush you. Invite maybe 5 or 6 friends, ones that would be supportive but honest. Take a small risk, but on;t put yourself into a position that could backfire. This is your first attempt; be gentle, and ease your way into it. And after you master this smaller task, step it up a notch. The idea is to first pick out ways to practice your new thoughts in advance.
Eighth, allow your inner reptile time to be retrained.
Simply put, keep at it. Over time, that little reptile will respond, and your reward will be that the old thoughts that have kept you from moving forward will slowly but surely be replaced by new, rational and empowering thoughts. From start to finish, give yourself a good 3-4 months of consistent, deliberate effort.
I would love to hear from anyone who decides to give it a shot. I’ll gladly give you pointers or answer questions along the way. And remember - if this is a fear that requires a professional, find one. You cannot “treat” yourself.
Best of luck!
by Jay Lambert, MSW, LCSW, NHAC
Last month I wrote about the overall structure of the human brain, and explained in very basic detail the three layers that make up our brain - namely the reptilian, mammalian, and primate layers. Each of these layers has different strengths and weaknesses, and each is designed to fulfill a specific purpose. Knowing how these different parts fit together - and how that doesn’t always work out so well - is key to understanding so much of our own behavior.
OUR “INNER REPTILE”
We’ve all heard of the “inner child,” that part of us that remembers our youth, and can “go back” to that time and place in our minds and hearts. Even though we are all grown up, we sometimes find ourselves thinking and feeling like we used to as a child, especially when we are in surroundings or situations that remind us of those times. For example, when I go home and visit family, it is amazing how all of us revert back to our old roles. The same pecking order between the kids plays out, and my parents will use our pet names, forgetting we are in our 30’s. I think most of you can relate to some extent.
Well, that inner child is there because we remember our childhoods, and those memories influence who we are today. It is as if our childhood is still very much inside of us, and for better or for worse, finds its way out of us from time to time. Sometimes it makes for a very pleasant reliving of something from our youth, like going to ball game after years of not going, and feeling a youthful pleasure again for the first time in years. At other times, it can be a real painful experience, like when we are made fun of or teased by someone about something that we were teased about growing up, and old fears and reactions come out of nowhere.
The bottom line is that our so-called “inner child” is the result of our experiences, and is inside of us, influencing who we are and how we behave. And in a very similar fashion, we all have an inner reptile, too. But unlike our inner child, our inner reptile is not there because of past experiences we had as individuals; our inner reptile is there because of past growth we have had as a species. It is the result of our collective evolutionary memory - otherwise known as instincts. And understanding these instincts - these evolutionary memories - and how they work can help us learn how to manage our feelings and thoughts much more effectively and proactively.
HOW THE INNER REPTILE WORKS
Our inner reptile - or the reptilian core of our brains - uses the fight or flight response to protect us from perceived threats. When triggered this instinct reacts to all things that it perceives as a threat with the same basic biological response - our pulse races, breathing accelerates, muscles tense, and so on. But since each of us has our own experiences, our inner reptile learns to perceive threats in a unique way. When combined with our innate traits, these unique experiences help explain why one of us develops a fear of heights, another of loud sounds, another of strangers, and yet another of the dark. In other words, it might be helpful to think of your brain as the hardware and your experiences as the software - software that we are continually “downloading” into our minds.
Given enough time, these experiences create impressions that help guide us through our lives. Call them “lessons learned.” And these lessons need not be true or even rational per se to have an impact - they just need to be believed. And when our inner reptile believes a lesson, it reacts accordingly. As an example, imagine what would change emotionally for a small boy who loved dogs if one day he got bit by one. His inner reptile used to believe the idea “Dogs are fun,” but after being bit that same inner reptile decided to believe that “Dogs are trying to hurt you.” This lesson learned could create a whole new trigger, such that every time the boy saw a dog, his heart raced, his pulse quickened, and he refused to get near it. Whether the dog is actually dangerous is beside the point, because all the reptile brain does is perceive threat and react based upon the trigger.
HOW CAN YOU GET THROUGH TO THE REPTILE BRAIN?
For many of us, the fears we carry around can be overwhelming. The good news is that our personal fears, doubts, worries and concerns do not have to remain debilitating. We can work with our brain our inner reptile so that irrational fears and worries are changed into rational concerns with rational responses, or literally turned into the fears of yesterday. It does take work, but it can be done.
To “fix” the reptile brain, we need to first understand that this part of us does not respond to learning - it responds to training. And yes, there is a very big difference, at least in the way I am using the terms. Learning is happening when we are able to absorb knowledge and information in the abstract. We can, for example, sit in front of a chalkboard and be taught the alphabet. We can read a book. And so on. These are learning activities, and we use abstract thought to make in work. In essence this is possible because the higher brain - the primate brain - can think in the abstract. This is why monkeys and apes, just like us, can be taught. Some have been taught sign language even, an abstract, symbolic language. But there’s no way to do that with a reptile. No lizard, turtle, snake or alligator could do that. But they can be trained. And the difference is, training cannot be symbolic - training occurs in real time, not with abstract thought, but with concrete, in the moment experiences. This is why, for example, you can tell some teenagers a hundred times about the dangers and risks of speeding - but find that the message doesn’t REALLY sink in until after their first ticket or accident. There is teaching, and then there is training. And I think most of us can appreciate that to be taught something is one thing, but to experience it - to be trained in it - is a whole different story.
HOW TO (RE)TRAIN YOUR INNER REPTILE
So how do we actual pull off this training? How do we get that little inner reptile to “get it” in a level deep enough to truly get past old fears and doubts? Yes, it is a lot of work, but it is doable. Here are some step-by-step ideas to get you started and pointed in the right direction. But please keep in mind if you are dealing with fears that resulted from deep traumas, abuse, or other types of experiences, you may need professional help. Some retraining should not to be done in a “do it yourself” manner. But if you want to do this on your own to address a manageable fear or doubt that you are struggling with, give it a shot. I’ve had it work for me and my clients many, many times.
Here are the steps:
First, identify a fear.
Get out a piece of paper and write down at the top of it the first fear or worry you wish to address. Make it a relatively small one, but one that you feel motivated to work on. This fear must be unreasonable. Reasonable fears are good for us, because they protect us. So start with one that you know is the result of programming and is not rational.
Second, identify your triggers.
On that piece of paper, write down all the events, situations, places, times of day, days of the week, and so on that cause you to “go reptile” - or in other words, that bring out the fight or flight response in you. This could take days or even weeks to do in a truly thorough way. You will want to work from memory, but also write down those triggers as they occur in real time. It may be helpful to bring a piece of paper in your pocket or pursue with a small pencil or a pen so you can write them down right after you have identified them.
Third, identify the feelings associated with your roots.
Once you have a pretty comprehensive list of triggers associated with a specific fear, then take time to sit down and identify the feelings that are associated with each of those triggers. Remember, feelings are not the same as thoughts. Most people will express their feelings, at times, in this manner: “I feel like I’m going to explode.” That statement is a thought, not a feeling. This might be anger. Or fear. Or jealousy. And so on. Make sure that you get the feeling identified.
Fourth, identify the thoughts associated with your feelings.
After you get the feelings down, identify the thoughts that go along with them, ones that are connected with each feeling. Think of them as tapes that you “hear” in your mind when those feelings are triggered. This is not easy to do, and will take time, but if done properly you will be able to find thoughts that are associated with those feelings. For example, the little boy who got bit by a dog may have a new automatic negative thought programmed into him, associated with fear, that says in his mind every time he sees a dog “That dog is going to bite me if I get close to it.” This will take time and introspection to be done correctly, and it will require real honesty with yourself. And keep in mind, these thoughts will be irrational. Don’t worry, that’s the idea.
Fifth, write reasonable, rational, and most importantly true statements that refute the irrational and unreasonable thoughts you identified.
Many people say to me at this point “If I could be rational, I wouldn’t have this fear.” I get that. My desire is for you to use your rational and reasonable skills when you are not being triggered to think about how to rewrite those tapes that are playing in the form of automatic thoughts when you are triggered. You cannot do this on the fly, right after you are triggered and feeling those associated emotions. We need to figure out new, rational and positive thoughts while we are not in our reptile-dominated mental state - otherwise known as our “right mind.” So take that paper out, read those irrational thoughts, and write new thoughts - rational and positive ones - that you would like to eventually replace the old ones with.
Sixth, use daily, consistent and deliberate self-talk based upon your “new” thoughts.
This is vital. Every day, set aside time to do daily affirmation utilizing these new thoughts. Do it front of a mirror, at your desk, or wherever you can do it. Say them out loud, with conviction. You have to “get into it.” I know this sounds strange, but that inner reptile will be able to see through insincerity. It will feel very weird and “corny” but I assure you this is powerful and cannot be skipped over or ignored. Do it in private, out of the ear shot of others. The more you allow yourself to simply get into it, the more power you give that new thoughts to go deep inside your brain and to begin “wrestling” with the old thoughts.
Seventh, identify ways to “practice” these new thoughts and do it.
When you feel ready, pick some real life experiences that will allow your new thoughts to go from abstract to concrete. If your fear was of public speaking, for example, the first thing would be to schedule a time to do a presentation or read a poem or something like that in a safe, controlled, but still challenging setting that pushes you but does not crush you. Invite maybe 5 or 6 friends, ones that would be supportive but honest. Take a small risk, but on;t put yourself into a position that could backfire. This is your first attempt; be gentle, and ease your way into it. And after you master this smaller task, step it up a notch. The idea is to first pick out ways to practice your new thoughts in advance.
Eighth, allow your inner reptile time to be retrained.
Simply put, keep at it. Over time, that little reptile will respond, and your reward will be that the old thoughts that have kept you from moving forward will slowly but surely be replaced by new, rational and empowering thoughts. From start to finish, give yourself a good 3-4 months of consistent, deliberate effort.
I would love to hear from anyone who decides to give it a shot. I’ll gladly give you pointers or answer questions along the way. And remember - if this is a fear that requires a professional, find one. You cannot “treat” yourself.
Best of luck!
Jay Lambert is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Phoenix, Arizona. Having been a challenging child himself while growing up, Jay understands from both the adult’s AND the child’s perspective the ways in which the social/emotional dynamics of the child’s home are often at the root of behavior problems. Jay believes that behavior problems can almost always be corrected without risky medications or expensive long-term treatment through the insightful and strategic use of positive energy, and has been using Howard Glasser’s Nurtured Heart Approach since 2005 to do precisely that for hundreds of families.
To learn more, please feel free to contact Jay at:
http://www.PositiveEnergyParenting.com
jay.lambert@me.com
(623) 363-3031
