by Amanda van der Gulik
What an odd idea, that you can use money to bond with your child. I’ve always heard that love can’t be bought, and that is absolutely true for sure! This is not at all the kind of bond I’m talking about here. I’m not talking about buying things for your children so they’ll like you better either. What I’m talking about is how to create a long-lasting special bond with your child that most parents will never get to experience using your finances.
Let me explain. How often have you heard parents stressing about their finances, but not wanting their kids to know what was going on? There is this general idea that has been circulating for decades that children should never have to worry about their parents’ financial problems or successes. I disagree with this. I believe that by being open with your child about your financial state you are giving your child a valuable gift that can have a very positive self-esteem building and bonding affect.
You see your child is smart. He or she knows when you are stressed out about money. You can try to hide it all you like, but they know. They can feel it. They can see it in your eyes. They notice the extra worry lines in your smile’s crinkle. They see how you are spending your money, they know how you look at them with distress whenever they ask you for something that requires the money that you do not have.
Let’s be honest with your child. Good or bad, money in itself is nothing more than a temporary state of affair. It’s not a long-lasting state. Being poor today doesn’t mean you will be poor forever. Being a financial success today does not insure that you will always have money either. Our kids deserve to learn this from a young age so they won’t beat themselves up later, once they are living on their own, and find themselves struggling financially. This will only make them feel badly about themselves.
They’ll feel like they are not good enough. Why can’t they make money work when they have the idea that their mom and dad never had the same money issues? They’ll feel like they can never live up to you. This can cause very low self-esteem and depression.
Did your parents let you in on their financial status when you were young? Or did they hide the money stuff from you and just let you be a kid, never having to worry about money? How did that help you? Were you thrown in the financial deep end with no knowledge of how to make your money work for you?
What if your parents had let you know about their money status; the good and the bad? How would that have felt? It may have felt wonderful. Think about it. If your parents were open and honest with you about their money matters then you would have felt honored to know that your parents trusted you.
My parents were always open with me about their money matters and I am with my children as well. What I’ve noticed is that as a child, when I knew that my parents were struggling financially, I didn’t feel horrible about myself when I wasn’t able to have what the others kids in school got. I knew that it had nothing to do with my personal worth but that it was a simple financial matter. I was just as important as all those other kids with all those cool toys; we just simply didn’t have the money to buy them. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, it made me become creative. I would find ways to earn my own money so I could afford the things I really wanted and I appreciated them more because I had worked for them myself.
When my parents were doing well financially, I felt proud of them and I felt that I was a part of their success. My sister and I would help them on their different entrepreneurial endeavors and we really felt that we were all working together. We were a team.
Still today my parents and I are very honest about our finances with each other. It’s not a taboo subject and there are no negative judgments. Instead we have a special bond; one that most families will never have. We encourage each other and help each other out whenever we can. I love it. I am doing my best to create this special bond with my own children and it’s working out really well.
Recently we’ve gone through some very hard financial times, some investments went sour and we hadn’t covered ourselves like we maybe should have. Instead of feeling awful and giving up, we were open with our kiddos and they felt a part of the solution. They would come up with wonderfully thoughtful ways to help us. I love it when I see their creative juices start to flow with incredible new ideas on ways to make money to help pay the bills. It makes them feel proud of themselves to know that they are able to help the family.
What possible better gift can we give our children than to let them know that we trust them completely and that we value their input and help? They will know that we will always be there for them; that we will not judge them but be there to support them instead. As a homeschooling family we have the extra opportunity to turn our money matters into a great learning lesson!
Best-selling author, Amanda van der Gulik has been homeschooling her own two children for over 11 years. As founder of www.TeachingChildrenAboutMoney.com, Amanda is constantly being interviewed for parenting shows, like Radio Disney, on TV, radio, in newspapers, magazines and blogs all over the world. Visit Amanda’s site today to grab your FREE copy of her book, “50 Money Making Ideas for Kids and Teens”.
What an odd idea, that you can use money to bond with your child. I’ve always heard that love can’t be bought, and that is absolutely true for sure! This is not at all the kind of bond I’m talking about here. I’m not talking about buying things for your children so they’ll like you better either. What I’m talking about is how to create a long-lasting special bond with your child that most parents will never get to experience using your finances.
Let me explain. How often have you heard parents stressing about their finances, but not wanting their kids to know what was going on? There is this general idea that has been circulating for decades that children should never have to worry about their parents’ financial problems or successes. I disagree with this. I believe that by being open with your child about your financial state you are giving your child a valuable gift that can have a very positive self-esteem building and bonding affect.
You see your child is smart. He or she knows when you are stressed out about money. You can try to hide it all you like, but they know. They can feel it. They can see it in your eyes. They notice the extra worry lines in your smile’s crinkle. They see how you are spending your money, they know how you look at them with distress whenever they ask you for something that requires the money that you do not have.
Let’s be honest with your child. Good or bad, money in itself is nothing more than a temporary state of affair. It’s not a long-lasting state. Being poor today doesn’t mean you will be poor forever. Being a financial success today does not insure that you will always have money either. Our kids deserve to learn this from a young age so they won’t beat themselves up later, once they are living on their own, and find themselves struggling financially. This will only make them feel badly about themselves.
They’ll feel like they are not good enough. Why can’t they make money work when they have the idea that their mom and dad never had the same money issues? They’ll feel like they can never live up to you. This can cause very low self-esteem and depression.
Did your parents let you in on their financial status when you were young? Or did they hide the money stuff from you and just let you be a kid, never having to worry about money? How did that help you? Were you thrown in the financial deep end with no knowledge of how to make your money work for you?
What if your parents had let you know about their money status; the good and the bad? How would that have felt? It may have felt wonderful. Think about it. If your parents were open and honest with you about their money matters then you would have felt honored to know that your parents trusted you.
My parents were always open with me about their money matters and I am with my children as well. What I’ve noticed is that as a child, when I knew that my parents were struggling financially, I didn’t feel horrible about myself when I wasn’t able to have what the others kids in school got. I knew that it had nothing to do with my personal worth but that it was a simple financial matter. I was just as important as all those other kids with all those cool toys; we just simply didn’t have the money to buy them. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, it made me become creative. I would find ways to earn my own money so I could afford the things I really wanted and I appreciated them more because I had worked for them myself.
When my parents were doing well financially, I felt proud of them and I felt that I was a part of their success. My sister and I would help them on their different entrepreneurial endeavors and we really felt that we were all working together. We were a team.
Still today my parents and I are very honest about our finances with each other. It’s not a taboo subject and there are no negative judgments. Instead we have a special bond; one that most families will never have. We encourage each other and help each other out whenever we can. I love it. I am doing my best to create this special bond with my own children and it’s working out really well.
Recently we’ve gone through some very hard financial times, some investments went sour and we hadn’t covered ourselves like we maybe should have. Instead of feeling awful and giving up, we were open with our kiddos and they felt a part of the solution. They would come up with wonderfully thoughtful ways to help us. I love it when I see their creative juices start to flow with incredible new ideas on ways to make money to help pay the bills. It makes them feel proud of themselves to know that they are able to help the family.
What possible better gift can we give our children than to let them know that we trust them completely and that we value their input and help? They will know that we will always be there for them; that we will not judge them but be there to support them instead. As a homeschooling family we have the extra opportunity to turn our money matters into a great learning lesson!
Best-selling author, Amanda van der Gulik has been homeschooling her own two children for over 11 years. As founder of www.TeachingChildrenAboutMoney.com, Amanda is constantly being interviewed for parenting shows, like Radio Disney, on TV, radio, in newspapers, magazines and blogs all over the world. Visit Amanda’s site today to grab your FREE copy of her book, “50 Money Making Ideas for Kids and Teens”.
