A friend, whose daughter was learning to drive, had this daughter ask her a question involving the mechanics of making a right hand turn. This was an important question for the teenager to be asking. However, her mother had to give this some thought.
Making a right hand turn, after years of doing it, as you know, becomes a simple thing. It had been years since this mother actually considered the details of making the right hand turn. She relies on habit to accomplish this task, as I'm sure you and I do.
We are truly creatures of habit. There are many things we accomplish each day because it is our habit to do so. It would be tiring to have to make every decision every day, rather than just doing much of what needs to be done…simply because it is habit. “Habit is a good servant but a bad master,” according to Charlotte Mason.
Charlotte Mason also teaches that if children are left to their own nature, they may be good and learn some things, however some children will tell fibs, others will be incurably idle and the dawdling child will go right on dawdling. They will do all right, but they have the makings to do much, much more.|
How do we instill positive habits in our children?
First, establish correct habits. For example, forming correct letters in handwriting, starting with perfect strokes until the hand and mind will form them perfectly without the effort of thought. This takes much vigilance. Mason maintained that a minimum of 4-6 weeks would be necessary for the forming of most habits firmly. There is a temptation to relax your vigilance after doing well with a new habit for a time. It is important to watch carefully for these slips, particularly in the 4-6 week range.
Second, correcting bad habits. One way to correct a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. How do you change the habit of eating too many donuts? Eat an apple instead. This can be done with thoughts as well. When you, or the child, fall into a habit of complaining, whining, or discouragement - replace those thoughts with positive thinking, gratitude, or praise. This reformed habit takes at least as long to establish as a new one, most likely longer. For every time you slip back into the old habit, you must begin anew.
Third, if the child has enough reasoning ability, you can ask for a conscious effort, becoming co-patriots in the fight against the habit you both want to change. Charlotte Mason uses an example of a child prone to black moods. In her example mother tried to divert the child's attention to pleasant things when she noticed the black mood descending. Although this worked for a time, she could not keep this up for long enough to change the habit. The father, who was prone to fits of temper himself, decided to reason with the child. They discussed the feelings they had when the anger came up and the father sympathized with the son. He asked the boy if he would like help to control this anger. The boy was willing. The father created a fantasy figure, Mr. Cross-Man, who would chase the boy and try to catch this seven year old. If the boy would run around the courtyard three times, Mr. Cross-Man would not be able to catch him and would give up. This caught the boy's imagination and he was very excited to win these contests.
I am convinced that the creation and consistency of good habits, coupled with the careful weeding out of poor ones, will improve our home schools and ease our task as parents. The benefits to our children will last a lifetime.
Melanie Skelton has educated her six children at home for eight years. She is the co-founder of Utah Families Teaching at Home and assists in teaching workshops to empower and help home educators. She is the web designer for the website, found at http: http://www.utahfamilies.net/ and is in the process of co-authoring a book about home education. This book will help home educators better understand learning styles, personality styles and levels of learning. It will teach the reader how to apply this information to their home school and plan out a curriculum that will meet the needs of their children.
